ends it all

i dare not tread a path once traveled

in the carefree days of youth, when

nothing mattered, as the dreamer lived

in rainbows of thousand colors, mixed, blended

hues of dreams untold, songs played on

and on...until the flower buds bloomed

into thorns..

let me stay where i am, as i am

secluded to a place not even i know

finding solace at the death of my yearnings

to think me forlorn is an insult

to the numbness i have mastered

let my obscured image remain, or be lost

my voice be faded as wind lashes each blow

until all is diminished to a whisper,... wanes

last empathies uttered to souls

i have failed....you...i have

i know

dont dare smile at me in pity

i shall not die,,,rather i will live a million lives

detached, untouched..unreached as i watch

yes, i watch as each one comes and passes

struggles that never end...to their face

i laugh...hurt does not suffer one

who doesnt feel

i have lived...and shall live again

untouched

forever shared but a few moments...

i want you to sleep

beside me tonight

wrapped in my arms

softly caressing your shoulders

so much you had in the day

i want you

to feel my reassuring touch

keeping you

away from the night's unrest

let you feel comfort

snuggle in my breath

i'll run my fingers thru your hair

blowing swift kisses

your face...tired but meek

sleepy eyes that saw too much

now glistens

of pain? hope? tears?

let me kiss them now

as they close...a few moments

of nothingness...just

rest, at peace, know i am

beside you

watch over you a few moments

as you sleep

let me watch you dream

see you smile as you do

let the lines around your lips

that formed in frowns, now show

up in gladness

soft and supple lips that i so long for

to touch with mine

whisper them my love

as they, yours and mine

touch

i want these few hours

shared

between us become

a lasting remembrance

of how all shadows cast

fears, doubts and unfulfilled longing

vanish for but a few

moments, made eternal as they

tho marked on parched memories

will stay...untouched

remains, forever

restart

open your eyes and blink off sadness

get up! stretch out and free yourself

from rumpled memories

gurgle with harsh grains of truths

spit out the lies, cleanse your tongue

of ambiguity and vagueness

wash your face off with traces of pain

soap off betrayals and rinse out frustrations

buff with hope, for what there remains

towel off with a smile, to face a new day

strip off clothes of deception

those you clung on to steadfastly too long

wear humbled fabrics of acceptance

and a mild fragrance of inspiration

yes..it is a new day!

a new life begins

forget dreams of the past, they

will never be now, undream them!

remember how they have turned?

nightmares...

succumbing to fears, you remained

waiting, deceiving yourself

make believing those monsters

were there to to give you strength

they failed you, let them, let you

down...

let yesterday remain where it must

old pages of lessons learned

turn them once over, never go back

leave them where they belong...

be yesterdays of now

today is a new day, come out

shed off the cocoon that you let engulf

with false promise of security and warmth

see the sun!

rise above you, bask in its warmth

live anew!

come out now...live and love and hope

bravely

your new day has begun!

lost

a soul left barren

not to joy nor pain does it yield

the agonies of a day pass unfelt

night comes stripped of dreams

forlorn thoughts kept so deep within

abandoned

hopes renounced as too many

betrayed

time never stops, never.. ever

alone it travels

with merely a gaze

when has the void filled? ever?

it doesnt, it sucks, eats one up

to the last fragment of one's existence

until one ceases to exist

vague memories too shall burn

and that yet undreamt shall never happen

the soul has lost all reasons

it sings no more poems

and

i can only speak to you in poems

radicals - revised

it was a starless night

and the moon was hiding

behind some clouds

roars of thunder can be heard

from a distance

but the lightnings fail to reach

where we were...

treading thru an unknown path

barefoot, in pairs climbing uphill

the night was cold, bodies trembling

perspires tho of fear and anxiety

failing to remember what day or date

it was, or what was tomorrow

where will it be, or us

a shot fired, all dropped to the ground

shaking, moist

of grass mixing

with body fluids - sweat and tears

another shot!..and then another

ah..far too many to count!

as was the blood flowing, my friend

holding her chest, breath failing....

she was but a hundred twenty pounds

and i can hardly drag her

my feet, my grip, my mind

unyielding! wont someone

please come, and give me a hand!

and the parade has begun...

not for bands and marching clowns

not for feast, no not ours

yes we were armed

exploited too, we are

made to eat filth of our toils

while the masters lived

in abundance

of the slaves' sweat and blood

yes we took arms, to end

generations of enslavement

to break the chains that bind

freedom, hopes and dreams of more

generations to come, to this

land...lost and forgotten

by our masters' gods

and the parade has begun

but no wake shall come

mourning too was forbidden

no one was allowed

no tears.....shed or hidden

and the parade began

their bodies, hers and another

now lifeless

the other mutilated, beyond recognition

showcased to the masses

the remaining

living...us, unliving that night

pleas no one should ever make

love me...

like you promised

that night u plead, to trust

to give this love a chance

that day you swore

no one will

ever take this love away

from us

love me...

like i loved you when i went

against the will of this once broken

heart, that cried of pain

but dared to love again

for you, only you

love me...

like i loved you when

you had to go away, to searh

yourself...the life

you want, that we will share

someday, you will

return, when you do

love me like

i love you

-------------------------------

remember me

when you see that star

yes the one we always had to see

us, thru the night

in warmth and joy

of just having each other

of just

knowing there was us

of believing

there was love

remember me

when u feel the drizzle

trickle on your skin

like the soft kisses

laid on promise

those spoken and those felt

whispered with the breezes

that lifted our souls

to heights unseen nor

imagined

remember me

when you wake at dawn

as the darkness slips away

bringing you a new day

i am here, where you left

when you left

hoping too

for a new day

-------------------------

come back to me

as you promised you will

save this heart from another death

let not the nights be just memories

of what had been

a pity of what wont be

again

love me like you said you did

remember me...

when forever hounds you

come back

just another night

i pass the night with vague thoughts
abstracts? maybe
nagging feeling within
pain...denied, left untouched
until u strummed on a chord unplayed
a note, a bit misplaced, out of rhyme
out of time, whimpered
deafeningly weak...softly
dying...

i pass the night...
or has the night passed me?
vague thoughts, distinct longing
unheard, tho spoken

i passed the night, yes! another
just another night
passed me....

before bleaching creams and stuff

my skin was brown and glistened

under the sun

you scraped me white

oh how it hurts! now

i cannot stand the heat

burning like fire

but you tell me im beautiful

so im fine...

my teeth where strong

but u pulled them out

one by one

my gums bled, prayed

for it to stop

replaced with elephant tusk

i can hardly smile

but you tell me im pretty

so im fine...

my eyes were brown

and yours were blue

wanted me to see from your sight

lenses you made for me

they irritate, sometimes they hurt

tears flow when they dry

but you tell me i look better

so im fine...

i itch, i hurt, i bled

so im fine...

some nights i forget...

some nights i forget to ask how your day had been

but see, you had been with me all day long

i hear your words wherever i go, ever softly spoken

a soft jibe ever present to tell me to see it thru

some nights i forget to ask what your dreams will be

but see i do have my own dreams for you

i hear your laughter, i see your face shine bright

i hear you singing your songs of love all thru the night

i dream of your calm as a stream flowing

your happiness as have a bird touching the clouds

your nirvana shared with your own true love

yes a bliss! i dream to keep you shining above

some nights i forget to ask where you will be

but see i know you'll always be there shining for me...

radicals

and the parade has begun...

not for bands and marching clowns

not for feast nor fun

yes..... the parade has begun

it was a creepy quiet night

only the bats' wings flutter

sounds that can be heard

from nowhere

a shot!..and then another

and another

ah..far too many to count!

as was the blood flowing

too much to bear

the sight

like well

from where they laid

yes they are armed

exploited too, they were

made to eat filth of their toils

while their masters

lived in abundance

of the slaves' sweat and blood

yes they took arms, to end

generations of enslavement

to break the chains that bind

freedom, hopes and dreams of more

generations to come, to this

land...lost and forgotten

by their masters' gods

and the parade has begun

no wake shall come

mourning too was forbidden

no one was allowed

no tears shall fall

shed or hidden

for they did not deserve..

not them, nor they

masters and slaves

and so the parade began

their bodies

now lifeless

some mutilated, beyond recognition

showcased to the masses

the remaining

living...unliving

ones

yes, they were armed

they, when struggle bagan

us, that the struggle lives on

its our anniversary...

three years ago

i saw you walk down the aisle

in your immaculate white gown

face tho veiled, angelic aura exuded

a smile that melted the hearts

of all who watched

i can still hear the song

your favorite, the choir sung

like a hymn from heaven

sent down to bless all who hear

to praise that wonderful moment

glorious for all present, indeed!

it was when u uttered

i do

that i will never forget

as all the bells chimed

resounding the songs of praise

to heavens up high!

oh, all did!...join

the prayers, the praise!

you be blessed a wondrous life

and it was when you turned

to see me, yes still

with your angelic smile

far away in a back seat

i bid you goodbye....

for my lone star

i see you shine so bright

tonight

not like any other

night nor star

you shone tho flickered

as tho unsure

if your light will hold

till daylight

no...dont shy away

i wont claim to own

you nor your life

that you shone

gave me life

that you are

was reason to believe

in the midst of darkness

there was

hope

i was not

alone

yes, shine oh so bright!

dance with them

the other stars

sing their songs

the crazy clouds

tickle you to jump and run and laugh

and shine!

ah yes, just keep on shining

i watch you

from a distance

wont even think of coming near

as then i will fail to see

you beam

that from here is sheer beauty

you are

im watching

shine on, shine on

my lone star

forever you are

forever you will be

a reason

to see the night thru

to believe tomorrow daylight will come

and then the night

again

to come and see you

shine...

cheater

the smell of perfume i've always loved

was on the shirt you wore yesterday

i blushed and thought u remembered

said you did but didnt have enough to pay

what was that, red lipstick on your sleeves?

ah, an officemate took the bus with you

her head on your arm and fell asleep

had u anything to hide, u would have wiped it neat

you must think it fun telling me alibis

ah with vehemence, you say, you will never lie

i took my time and let you be

one day hoping the truth i'll see

last straw you pulled, when you came home one night

and i saw a hicky mark on your neck still red and bright

still you tried to weave some story that gave me a laugh

of a bee in the park who chased and stung, now hurts a lot

your breakfast on the table, as always every morning

i'll be out for the day, i'll see you in the evening

i'll be at the store where u tried that perfume

ride the bus that never passes to your office nor our home

i'll chat some with your constant callers

then go to the park for an excite bee hunting

i'll be early enough to make you your dinner

both i and the bee will be there waiting.....

i puff, you suck

you light and smoke

she puffed and huffed

spit blood she did

but felt warm within

you warm, smiling

that little fire burning

she left, left you to die

not looking back, wanted you

to die

away, away from her

your fire so tempting

your smoke hypnotized

to die

she wanted you, away

away from her

to die, she did

die

puff, puff, huff!

warmth ever so growing

alone and cold

your fire kindles, smoked

into my my eyes

giving

reason to these tears

puff some more, ah your fire

little as it is

ever so growing

puff, puff, i now too

cough, cough, scoff!

ah you warm, you kindle

she died

i too will, but so shall you

i will kill you before im dead

oh, no, maybe leave you

live me, leave you

away from you

before im dead

my mirror

you tell me im kind

because i make you smile

all the time

fool!

u say that

because you dont see

what i do

every morning facing the mirror

a face scarred

of years in misery

lined not with wrinkles

but pain that forever

rid the innocent

blush of pink cheeks

you tell me im a pure soul

lending a hand

without

asking for so much

come on, man, u make me laugh!

my soul has long gone

leaving but just a void

i reach out

that your soul i can touch

i fill you with hope

that the overflow i may take

to fill this void

yes its you

who fills it up

i have a heart you say

to feel and understand

i do

battered to die

i feel not

from your heart

but the story of tears you shed

i understand

not your words

but the sound of your voice

that crackles

when you speak

and fades when you cry

envy me not my friend

you are the mirror

i want of myself

what i dont

you may still have

i walk not feeling the ground

i float in oblivion

live, not finding a reason

but i smile when i look in the mirror

finding not myself but an image i knew

the face now u have

the heart that in you still lives

the soul that has not given up

a smile in the mirror

my mirror...a reflection

of what

what i dont have

tomorrow

tomorrow

when i can no longer read my favorite book

will you be there to tell me what you remember?

your eyes may already fail you too

but you have read that book too, havent you?

tomorrow

when my voice wont come out no more

when all i can make are faint indiscernable sounds

will you be there for me to call my child

will you tell her i love her and always have

tomorrow

when my hands wont be strong to hold a grip

when climbing the stairs becomes literal

when my feet wont walk farther than three steps

will you bear sit by side? maybe share a story or two

as we pass time?

tomorrow

when pain wont leave my body no more

but bones are too fragile for a thai massage

will your hands be there to softly touch

like you did before to caress my back?

tomorrow

will i know? will you give your answer today?

no i wont hurry you to come, i can manage

on my own today, strength hasnt left me yet

no worries, i will wait for you, i just need to know

tomorrow

will you be there?

for you

in silence

you watch

a shadow hiding

itself, from itself

indifference

from afar it will seem

untouched

but we know better, dont we

not

loved but failed

cared but betrayed

touched but bruised

distance deceive

a silhouette forming

languid water falls from mountain peak

or droplets of dew

or was it a thunderbolt lightning!

from afar

it will seem

it will be

all they know, all they think

all they be

from afar, but we

we know better

in silence

i watch, a shadow

hiding

itself, feeling not wanting to

but do, reaching not knowing what

but tries...

in silence

i watch...

i know u need to

questions left unanswered
promises - unkept
no time.....
just
write me a poem
before you go

your firsts...

i will never forget the first time i heard your voice in faint cries, when you first saw the world in the hands of a stranger, when all u knew was my feel alarmed and panicked, u were calling my name i cried...tried to rise, oblivious of the pain, the blood on me, on you, in us, i wanted to snatch you away from them, keep you in my arms, reassure you to wipe the tiny tears forming like dew drops tracing your face like pearls on shore do life itself takes form in those breaths you take i will never forget the first time those tiny hands reached for my skin, caressing me like no one's ever done the softness of your touch that made me feel so loved i'll never forget how i wished for that moment never to end i will never forget the first time i heard you giggle were you playing with an angel only you could see you must have been, and it was its laughter that i heard heavenly, soft and innocent..that voice coming from your heart and i'll never forget the first time i held you in my bosoms to nosh your hunger and quench your thirst to nurture the life that in me has started not just yours but mine..finding its meaning the reason of my existence the day you were born