Monday, September 28, 2009

.................

a blaring thunder breaks!
shook the gound
its sound
reverberates, a wail
a cry
deafening....over and over
again, there within

silence....

the night
caressed by the humming wind
ready to retire
in melancholic slumber
waiting...praying
for the dusk to clear
and pave the way
to the promise
a new day

alas! you wont let it...

have u not gone a long time ago?
that same night
u left
bleeding
the skies, in drizzle
oh too slowly
i watched you
but a shadow
die

you were my light...

the light that gave guide to that path
tomorrows that we so want
shared and lived, together
as one
dreams and realities
entwined

and you chose to die...

but first blinded
my sight
left groping for hope
hoping for a grip
that will salvage a soul
tormented, abandoned
to grieve

grief...

for a love that died
what once was..petals
moist, fresh and glaring red
now ooze blood
anguished
battered
pallid

numbed....

as still as leaves untouched by winds
there lies peace, untrue
throbs of pain subdued, traquil
in acceptance of harsh truths
no, the night may never
meet with light
ever
again
there is comfort in the void
vacuum suck-dried
dreams, lives, hopes

thunder breaks the stillness
your voice pervading
mine in faint cries
unheard
apathy prevails
let be

silence....



in that little corner of my house

in that little corner of my house was where u used to be
come dusk or dawn, yeah you were there, never left
never cared if it rained outside, let them drizzle pass
you stayed to watch and lit that little corner of my house

i pass, you wave, i smile, you nod, i winked, you laughed
i left, you stayed, remained and i knew when i come back
you'll be there as always were...in that little corner of my house
i passed, i searched, i smiled and tears just flowed...

Sunday, September 27, 2009

not death parted them

2 poems....

as the storm ondoy hits the cities of dream
vanished roads and expanded rivers
drowning hope, slaughtered lives built
years of toil, of pain, of dreams....

1.
he was 7 and she was 6, their mother worked, their father dead
they were playing with snowy the puppy
it was she who saw it first, water sipping thru the door
running to her brother, it must fun out there!

but my feet are cold and snowy can't swim
what do we do brother, should we run out and scream?!
snowy will find help for us dear, let her go, do not fear
soon mother will be here to cook us food
some fish and soup she promised this morning

but the flood was fast, thru the streets it rushed
invading homes where promise of safety was
taking all by force, it did...come to me and hold my hand
i'll keep you safe, i'll keep you warm
be not afraid, i am here, soon mother too will come

but mother came an hour too late
only the roof can be seen of where they were
a door crashed soon after, snowy came out tired and frail
their bodies too soon floated, still locked in a hug
brother and sister, holding each other tight
a stab to the heart that kills mother on sight

------------------------------------------------------------

she was strong, a fighter, a survivor
ah yes! she loved but fate wont have it
his heart belonged to another, not she
so alone and lived she chose to be

he was a vagabond, a carefree soul
lived his life to quench his thirst
gulped from every bottle of wine, until
the road hits the end, to her he went

big sister took him in, they are both now at the departure
end, an age when nothing much is to come
even learning may be too late
they share, they remember, they wait...

it was a stormy night, their home not spared
where once there were partitions, rooms
now just waters flowing in and out
and they shivered, old skin further shriveled

my lung cant stand no more, i feel my soul frozen
soon i will have to leave you, when i do, be strong
you wont have much more to live either
whats left you must take to make amends with yourself

dont let me die in this fuckin mess
give me dignity when im laid to rest
this flood coming in taking whats rightfully ours
swear on my grave you'll rebuild after
it is over, and i am gone

where food once she served, is now where she laid
as water splashed amidst, he lit candles by her feet
as life passed him right in his eyes, recollecting whats left
for two days he cried praying for his sister's blissful rest

*based on a true story of a kin dying in ondoy's fury, had to wait two days before here corpse was taken out of the flooded house




Friday, September 25, 2009

a new life

i knew long before i saw those two lines, the few short breaths
hot flashes, heartbeat skipping a few times, long long before
i felt you move there in my womb, your world, your dream
your life, all confined in a body not yours, neither now is mine

it felt funny feeling you there, another life within
not mine, but oh, how i wished it could be..
you, so sure of yourself, kicking, pounding, wriggling
making your own space, in a world you knew was yours

i wish to have kept you there far longer than nine months
away from the deafening noise and blinding lights
safe from the lurking darkness and cold breezes of night
your life, your dream all confined in a body no longer mine

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

for my best friend's birthday

i smile today
its your birth day

remembering
the times
you
stood by me when i went
astray

the times
you kept
your silence
as i made a big fool of myself

the times you had
your arms open
when to you i ran
away
from pain crying

the times
u needed me
and i wasnt there
but u stayed
to wait
for my return

the times
you refused
me be judged
when all others had

the times
i was lost
and you searched
didnt let up
till you found
me, in me
a friend you loved

i cry today
its your birth day

wish i had something to give
or to say
or maybe a deed that can be done
to say, to show and to let you know

its not just gratitude
for u
i have
not just love for you
i feel
not just the trust
i'll always have

what then can i give

these tears
that fall
not of pain, but of joy
but same tears u've seen
wiped off my face all too often

a poem penned
in vain
to describe
you, i
fall short of names

i cry
for there will never be
anything enough that i can give

as there will never be
another you
i'll call
the best
the very best
my best friend

love you glomes! happy birthday!

the last of / ? parts

....today i woke
to find your words

a blank page
was all u left

have you gone?

yes, they say
we can not be
those rules!
pushed down
our throats
tied
they tried...

didnt we say they were wrong?
wasn't there too much
to lose
didnt we give it
all, almost

today
i wake for no reason



Tuesday, September 22, 2009

3/? parts

3/?

we shall
love
but oh this love be!
forbidden

a hope
deride it be
by them
...them who scoff
at the sound of our laughter
...them who smirk
at gladness
...them who tied our hearts
to rules of what ye
and what not
them who swear and pray and praise
there is god
who will make all good things
happen
them!

why dont they see then
that
you and i are
one....not you nor i
but us!

trampled dreams collect
at our feet
some yours, some mine
most ours...

one day we will
they too, shall rise
those dreams, hope and faith
though shattered
all evil might

because we are
one......one day!

was me after all

i heard him
once
whisper to you
i love you
and i heard you say
you loved him
too

hearing you both
made me feel
so proud
i was here
because of you
because you loved

one day i felt a gush
you were crying
you were so mad
i heard you
shouting
"i had enough!"
"crazy little bastard
...i had enough!"

i knew it was him
that caused this anguish
cheating on you
once too much

one day
in my sleep
i heard a crash
it was you
you fell on your knees
sprawled on the floor
i heard you cry
you were in pain
what can i do?
i was still inside of you

then there was silence
and darkness

whats going on?
the fluid that kept me warm
suddenly
turned cold
i feel my little body quiver
my skins shrivelling
whats happening?

i am in pain...

i kicked with all my might
to let you know
i couldn't breathe
inhale some air!
that i can take from you...
hear me please
i need you to!

cling-clang, cling-clang
what were those?
no, not the fan
i know how that sounds
is it a sound
from what you watch
while you wait for him
if he'll come back?

what are all these
strange feelings?
im dizzy, want to sleep
but my mind!
my mind wont rest...
i want to run
to escape far
far away
but my body...
my body, why cant i move?

cling-clang
i saw something flicker...
from that little hole
where i would pass
when i'm fully grown

did you send it to save me?
to let air pass thru my lungs again?
to make my heart
beat
normal again?
to make my body
move again?
to unshrivel my skin?
to wash away my fear?
is it my savior
oh! God, i thank you so!

i reached for it
madly so
i want to hurry
let it find me
save me
now
i am in pain

you laid there still and quiet
and i laid on some platter
dried out
cut into pieces
drenched with what little blood
i had
robbed of what little life i had

"that little bastard"
was me
after all
you loved
i was conceived
i was so proud!

that little bastard!
was me after all

let me be a memory

when u wake up with the sun in your eyes
you will remember
how it lit
like fire
the tainted glass by my widow
the images u loved, that formed
you will remember
my love

you will remember each time
when you sign on chat
before you had that lappy
it was a desktop
with a cam that hardly works
mostly stood frozen
but u watched it as well
cause u say
i was there

when your phone rings
and plays our favorite song
it wont be my number that you will see
no not me, not my name who's calling
but you will remember
the many times i did
some you answered
some
u didnt

when the night comes once again
you will look for a friend you can be with
to laugh with or fight with
or maybe make up with
you will remember
when i was there, when i wanted to be
there
but you hardly cared

you will have to remember
just remember
now
cause i wont be there
.............i have waited
patiently waited
devotedly
blindly
willingly waited
u will remember
how

now

i've seen love and betrayal
i've seen truth and lies
i've seen peace and chaos
i've seen war and indifference
i've seen famine and abundance
i've seen greed
i've seen strife
i've seen death
i've seen life

now

i want to underastand....

my turn

once it was
you
...i turn my back

on my own

where once
there was greatness
the glorious days
praised and hailed
now
only remains a memory
of the distant past.... reduced
vauge recollection of what was
what not

enticed with the cunning promise
i turned my back
wealth and fame and glory
to all that i can be

with nothing but faith
.....an open heart

i loved

gave, submitted, surrendered

they lied....

endured the most savage of tortures

betrayal!

whiplashed with indifference
cooed with false hopes,
assured that all shall pass

i hear but dont believe no more

let me be

on my own...
i still laugh but im not happy
i still cry but im not sad
i know tomorrows will come
let them

find me
here
on my own...

a story to tell

i wish i had a story to tell
but all had been told
of flower blooms and birds and trees
the sunshines and sunsets
the ripples on the waters
the thunder and the waves

i wish i had a story to tell
to make you laugh or cry
to make you live or die
but you laugh when not told
or cry when tears fall
live as u wish
and die....when
u wish

i wish i had a story to tell
but here i am just watching you
dance like the music is you
live today, leave on the morrow
flaunting the beauty u've been gifted
the body well endowed

i wish i had a story to tell
to let you know before you do
life isn't always as you want it to
to protect you from love
to spare you from pain
to make u see what i have failed

i wish i had a story to tell
but here you are crying on my lap
full of woes on what you had not
i try to speak but you turned your back
and asked me once why did i tell u
not....

today i remember her

today
i caught the last dew fall
off a leaf that lazily clung
to a branch
still dreamy in its poise

ah yes! she loved those leaves too
fresh and fragrant in her hands
but she loved them dried too
laughed at the sound of them
crackling with every step
tickling her soles with crisp softness

today
i saw mother bird still in her nest
warding off the cold breeze
that early morning brings
then she flew to find
feeds for her young

yeah she too has left
rather in haste
didnt look back
but left a note
"i leave for your future
the best i shall seek"

on the road back i hitched
rode on the back of a bike
trusting a stranger to bring me home
thru this one hell of a bumpy ride

and thats when she returned
beaten
by life itself
arms raised in surrender
eyes swollen with tears
body limp and sick

she spit blood and cried in pain
you looked at her and shrugged and said
she only got three months to live

how dare you say!
since when had life be measured
in months?
since when had life be told
to stop???

she fought and struggled
not three months, she wont
she lived beyond what you told she will
and in that battle we won!

we scoff at your arrogance
we ridicule your authority
in this battle we won...

grasping her last
breath choked with life itself
leaving her body
we ask for help

and u say
no meds may be given
cause she is dying anyway...

how dare you say?
are you God?
who decides
who lives
who dies

her last words to me
we lost
my child

today i saw the last dew fall
from a leaf dying
losing its grip
still there.....almost gone

if i can borrow your pain

if i can borrow your pain
and lend you my strength
i will

that you may fly high again
spread your wings
give us again delight
as you soar in the skies
watch your color
against the light
that made us smile
so many times

if i can borrow your pain
and lend you my strength
let me

for a thousand times you deserve
to be spared
cruelties
of this world
are not for one
with such glowing eyes
those eyes are not
for tears
as you are
for wondrous dreams

i will borrow your pain
and lend you my strength
i can....i will...

wish u were

i hear my fone ringing again
on the side
calling out your name

i used to wonder
what
you call me for
everyday
why u bother

then u told me
of that one night
when i came to you
and cried
my heart out
how u wanted to be here
to hold me
to let me know
im loved

i remember
too, then
how i wished
it were
you the man i wanted
to be with
the love i wish i had

from this day on
you told me
"you wont have to be
alone
as long as i have my fone
i'll make yours ring
to remind you
im right here"

those words made me cry
even more
touched by the sincerity
of your voice
moved by you
your unselfish love
wish u were
the one i loved

there goes my fone
ringing again
on the side
calling your name

....

here's what i wrote when i thought of you

you are
the smile i'll never share
those fine lines that form
around my lips
when i see you
or learn any of
and about
only you

you are
the voice i'll never have
one that speaks
so tender
yet true, scolds me
in tranquility
speaks soft but solid
yes you
the voice
only you can have

you are
the poems i'll never write
the passion i have
words
will never share
the many wonders
of you
i will never

you are
the thoughts i'd like to keep
not in my mind
but in my soul
coz u breathe life
and you are
life.....hope
that never falters

you are
the friend i'll never be
selfless and giving
nothing u wont
understand
nothing u need to ever hide
when all friends have gone
u will remain
and i want you
to...remain
mine

but

you are
the love i'll never know
nor will i ever have

the dream

sometimes i wonder
if you know

im here
watching you
hearing you
from an immeasurable distance
in silence...oh deafening!

and i am here
i shall remain
as you do
the smile
the voice
life...hope
my thoughts
the friend
i
love
you...are

let them be

let them gods
have a feast
as we watch
them!
devouring on or flesh
bleeding us
to death

hear the crackle in their
laughter
our demise the subject
the fools!
want us vanished
cursed
pained
dead

hear them wail
at our wake
no mourning done
believe them not
they come to see us lie
in that box of death
to make sure we are
gone

feel the hunger, let it be
the ember of reckoning

let them laugh
we watch in silence
as they choke on their own
swallow the chunk of greed

let mourning last till the morn
when sun appears again
its rays laid on a new horizon
one we shall take
together
the insignificant many
to win a battle
forced feed to our throats
that we can no more bear
that we shall
now confront

struggle....

deprived, oppressed, abused
the chains that bound
our lives, our hopes, our dreams
we watched in silence
till we can no longer

chase them out of their castles
our cries - our strength
our will - our weapon
bleak past of hatred
the fire that propels
our souls

we shall rise...if not
us, our blood yet unborn
will conquer
them gods
---devouring our flesh
---mocking our death

stood up

could your car been ran over
by a speeding truck
had no one come for a rescue
to pull you out of the crash?

or you did...
managed to come out
but your fone got stuck
somewhere in that debris

or u got it.... but it broke
was in your pocket when it happened
now its into pieces
who knows what else is broken

or maybe its whole and fine
(i hope the else is not [:P] )
but has ran out of battery power
so you cant call nor message
and you are sorry for having not

dont tell me no, these arent so
that you're fine and just got stuck
or i'll drive that truck myself
run u over merciless, u jerk!

pain

i fly
arrogant
victory flaunted
...a tear drops

when the storm started

your eyes gaze but they dont see
your heart beats but it doesnt feel
you speak your words oh so profoundly
but are those words still meant for me?
we have made a dream together
filled the skies with stars at night
we have welcome the morning sun
we have shared lives that go beyond
somewhere the tide went against our will
wind blew breezes that froze those dreams
the stars vanished in the coldest nights
the sun has failed to shine on us
i brace myself against the lonesome hours
with faith believing they'll soon be over
that one day soon we'll again be together
to make the dream ours forever
you have returned with that charming smile
the gentle words that touch the heart
but in your song i dont hear the melody
just empty rhymes to a symphony
i watch you walk so proud and tall
but what we shared i see no more
please tell me now is it time to go?
to let you be and leave you so
it pains me more to be around
to watch the dream fade and be forgot
to feel a love you no longer share
to see you go and bring me not

let me live

felt that cold breeze pass by
again
old
and familiar
leaving that tangy taste
in the air that lingered
numbed senses pricked anew
scarred stab wounds
bleed
making up for all the years they went dry
gush out blood and tears
and life
.
.
let this soul be barren!
let the void be
leave!
let me bask in nothingness
.
.
let me live
the basket of dreams tho be empty
i have long clipped my own wings
i do not wish to fly
.
just let me live
.
leave
.
or let me die

this one's for a friend

we read
and suddenly we are in
a new world
that which you have
created
imagined
or perhaps lived in
yourself

we felt the pain, cried
a tear or two. shared
love and anguish, dreamt
or woke in nightmares
basked in gentle ponder
saw ourselves with you
eyes, those that see
beyond, with heart
that beats on its own
rhythm, that you have made
us understand

faint sound of your voice
we hear in those words
their meaning lost
sometimes in sadness
or sometimes glee
undefined
yet
reaching the depth
of compassion
a soul so pure
leave us
wanting more

she walks in

her steps were silent
but you turned
to see
she was
body flaunting grace
earthly sophistication
a boisterous laughter
that offed some
but drew you...

she raised her arms
as if to wave magic
your eyes followed
those hands so soft
yet traces of toil
seen in those veins
that shimmer against the light..

everyone one laughed
when she said
life was taken out of her
was is in jest?
did u catch the glitter
in her eyes when she squinted
against the burning candle..

the scent of that candle
poignant
as fumes catches in
her breath
have you smelled life?
sweet?
or reeked of lurking death?

and she left
leaving you
bemused

her steps were silent
and you turned
did you see the dress she was wearing?
what color was it today?

Sunday, September 20, 2009

on borrowed time

tik-tak-tik-tak
you run up the hill
arms spread to to feel the breeze
your hair blown by the wind
making that lovely face glow
so charming, so pretty

tik-tak-tik-tak
a dear passed by
screaming with joy
you ran
after him as he played
your game
both of you wearing that
jovial grin

tik-tak-tik-the clock stopped
what did u think?
that it will not end?

the deer has to go
he belongs to these woods

and you

back on the foot of the hill

tik-tak-tik-tak
the clock starts again
but the deer doesnt hear

you start the uphill climb

again

a prayer

may i be blessed
today
and everyday until i find
what is it
i search

yes, let me feel!
pain...awaken my senses
the slumber of stoic numbness
calloused indifference
hardened the shell
around this heart
that once knew how it was...
let me
feel

yes let me know!
death
that i may celebrate life
loved ones who passed
and those that still live
that what i have
wasted....almost
lost...lived
remains

yes let let there be
loss...
that i may rejoice
in meager existence
a poor man's treasure tho
mocked
titles unsworn, forgotten?
ahh, they were never there
never

yes, let there be lies...
that the truth maybe spoken
in staggering fight
a will that falters
that it shimmers thru
pretentious darkness
unfree deceptions...
let truth be seen

yes,let me lose sight
if need be
that i may see what others fail
in crevices of that soul
taken for granted
eluded for the stabbing pain
it causes
to face one's truth
unveiled

yes,let there be darkness!
leave me in its midst
that i may suffocate in void
misplaced pride...masked
solitude
.
.
.
that may i reach for, this once
that flickering light
my lone star has shone
itself in struggle
to make its existence known

all these i ask...
today and everyday
until i find
that which
I
search for...

my lone star

feigned laughter
devoid heart
spirit unmoved
soul of indifference
false wisdom derived

all hopes
relinquished
almost..

and you shone
my lone star

will you stay?

or do you just wait
for the sun to shine?