Sunday, December 27, 2009

your music, my dream

i have listened to your music
again, tonight
each chord strummed a tender pain
each note stroked faded hums

i wish i had memories
to look back to as it played
flashing smiles and colors in my mind
but the colors are blurred
and the smile had yet to start

all i had was a dream
of tomorrows held with each others' hand
of days we were yet to create

and your music has ended...

Thursday, December 17, 2009

a plea

unaware of my existence, you came
oblivious to my grief, you shone
not wanting my emptiness, you shared
no change for alms, you gave

and i woke...

and then there was green, and there was smoke
relishing a rainbow of multitude colors
oh i cannot even name them!
they just flow..and blend
with my dreams...with you
of you...and yours

but the rainbow has to melt in the sunset
wont it?
can you tell the sun to be still?

i shall lay my hand woven cloak
of blood and tears, for years
and paint them sky with stars
or silence the wails
shrieking indifference i wont let
be heard
hymns of lullaby i'll hum
from the top of my lungs

and the world will hear
maybe it too will listen...

i plead...

anything!.... and all
i be asked

with all my heart i pray...
please stay

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

i miss you

its not the red roses you bought
but the wild flower you plucked

its not your picture in tux
but that of you in tattered clothes
when you worked in the basement
for who knows many hours

its not your grand entrances
but your late night sneaks
silently taking your side of the bed
kissing me and praying i wont wake

its not the fine restaurant dining
but the sweet breakfast in bed
that you served with apron and all
sweetly making amends for hurtful things you said

its not the big house you shall build
but the dreams we have made
of sharing a sunset by the window
of living together to our last morrow

i miss you

is it too late?

Monday, December 7, 2009

dont let me see you tonight

i saw the brilliance in her smile
the glowing cheeks, pink tho timid
supple skin that shimmered
thru the night, moonlit
starlight showered
ah! yes....such a night!

i too had those nights
and that smile i have once worn
maybe more beautifully
maybe...
i felt i held those stars
glowing in my palms
it warmed not just the night
but my soul

why have they died? when...
was it the night u said goodbye?
where are they now?
are they the same
stars that light her nights?

the pink shade of her cheeks, are they
same blush of your kiss?
or was it the touch
of your finger tips
tender...oh tenderly fled
quiet as a hush but pierced

when u visit, cover your face
dont let me see your eyes
looking at me lest i ask
why...
did u not find, or was there not
enough of what i had

dont let me see your hands
waving and weaving magic in the air
entranced souls dance
to the beat you send them
wanting to linger
far more than you
need nor want them
like you did me
your lust..burning
their desires, as you
your soul razed
by your own
betrayals

dont let me see you tonight
lest i remember
the gentle feel of your stab
that i mistook for love



Monday, November 30, 2009

intoxicated

as the last froth is emptied from the glass
mouth
into mine, each tiny bubble bursting
setting free
desires...meant
subdued, unquenched...as spirits poured
long left with numbing
emptiness

i feel tingles
as your skin unmindfully touches mine
your fingertips running thru my arms
when u reach
for more of the potent liquid
filling what otherwise is
void

spare me no promise of love
lived eternal
nor bliss
nor abstracts of your desires
i dont need them
in fact
i dont need you
nor your words
nor your being

i justly
want you
now

your body against mine
moving
within me, thoughts silenced
a lifetime
eagerly waited for this
this one night shared
in stark darkness
tomorrows blurred, intentional
future out of mind
let this

this one moment stand
lone in a page
you and i shall
create...we create
a fragment of a fantasy that
others dream and some
direly try to erase
from a truth burning guilt
haunting nightmares
that realities woke

as the last froth melts
in my mouth
my tongue cuddling the last
bitter sweet taste
of flaming desires

the poignant stench
of blue cheese
thrusts against the malt
that had been
distilled and fortified
over the bleak years of surrender
when my morrows
never come





Tuesday, November 24, 2009

if i were

if i were a tree and u are my leaf
i shall keep my hold to let not you fall
nourish your soul that you may live
and never wither, if i were, i would

if i were the sky and u are my star
i shall keep away the nasty clouds
that shroud your light, sapping your dreams
taking away your life, if i were, i shall

if i were the ocean and u are my shore
i shall caress you every morning with my gentle waves
take away the debris that life had befell
passing you thru without a care, if i were, i will

if i were the night and u are my dreams
i shall hold back the hands of time
to keep away the dawn from coming
that you and i may be together
for yet another stolen minute in the hours of the day

if i were a heart, and you are my love
i shall beat a million times faster
making sure you live, and i too shall
understand and fight for my being

if i were i and you are mine
then words need not be told nor written
for the reason that lies within
shall thrive in mine and yours too
never asking, not once doubting
how, whereto and why...

Saturday, November 21, 2009

running away

love never dies...
but it sometimes needs to go
to turn its back
on the futility of hoping
cover its ears from the mockery
of dreams that one wakes up to
and nightmares that reality haunts
it never dies...
it thrives, sometimes
in the dark, at night when
no one listens and nothingness speaks
when truths are unheard
and there remains
only
the belief, when one dies
then love lives, eternal

one dies, love lives

if only...

i wish to love you
as would a sun setting
melting, itself into the ocean
finding the corals in its depth

i wish to love you
as does a cloud that caresses
the mountain crest, touching
tenderly, surrenders, lays its softness

i wish to love you
in dreams, in songs, in rhymes
in poems i am yet to write
my words taking form, having life

i wish to love you

if only

you were mine

Monday, November 16, 2009

broken

a resounding crash, that
scattered pieces, dulled
the red cemented floor
of its glitter
enticing
...blinds

dare not one touch
the tiny specks cut
rough, with jagged edge
leaving scars before the bleed
...of blood that clots, before
the flow
the red floor waiting for
what one sheds from veins
of blue
droplets of rotting brown
or perhaps a shining
black

what broke, or caused
a cost, a curse
one can guess
but never
never
knows



Wednesday, November 11, 2009

close to you

when u hold a flower
i want to be its petals
that will fleetingly touch your lips
as u smell its fragrance

when u look at a painting
i want to be its colors, its lines
that will form in your mind
image of appreciation to smile about

when you sing a song
i want to be its words
hear u utter
me... softly, lovingly

when you close your eyes
i want to be the darkness that will
keep you company at night
and leave only when daylight comes

when this poem ends
i want to be the dot
that marks,,,read last
and remembered until another poem comes

. i want.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

if i wrote you a poem

will there be a space in your wallet
to keep that piece of paper
where my dedication is written?

will you read through, above and between
the lines, to hear what i say and those
that words fail to capture?

will it matter?

i am no poet

will you know ...
if wrote you a poem?

on the road back

foot soles blistered
walks on path, soiled
footsteps making marks
and these marks burnt
glowed fleetingly in darkness
that stayed for time
longed forgot

branching roads gazed
endless
choices made
sweet, bitter, spicy turns
one after
another, until they formed
circles

wishing a road back...

wobbly knees struggle
grip on rails, where there is
falters but not lost

faith holds
a heart scarred and bruised

fate meets

souls

brave the path, walk back
find home



Monday, November 2, 2009

you too shall leave

i know some day you too shall leave
when your eyes are ready to see
the colors of the world, apart
from those i made you see...

when your legs can stride faster
and bigger than what i make of mine
maybe even bigger than when i used to
hold your hand to guide you
in each reluctant step you took

when your reach is farther than i ever had
daring more, wanting all, those that i
failed to dream or missed to have
in fear of losing you, you were the only one
i ever wished to have

when you can brave the deep cold ocean
as i'm left merely gazing on the shore
waiting for the waves to caress my feet
while you, there, make your tides

someday, when you have to leave, i ask
leave me a smile, leave me a kiss
tell me you know, i was there beside you
until you chose to go



Friday, October 30, 2009

ends it all

i dare not tread a path once traveled
in the carefree days of youth, when
nothing mattered, as the dreamer lived
in rainbows of thousand colors, mixed, blended
hues of dreams untold, songs played on
and on...until the flower buds bloomed
into thorns..

let me stay where i am, as i am
secluded to a place not even i know
finding solace at the death of my yearnings

to think me forlorn is an insult
to the numbness i have mastered

let my obscured image remain, or be lost
my voice be faded as wind lashes each blow
until all is diminished to a whisper,... wanes
last empathies uttered to souls
i have failed....you...i have
i know

dont dare smile at me in pity
i shall not die,,,rather i will live a million lives
detached, untouched..unreached as i watch
yes, i watch as each one comes and passes
struggles that never end...to their face
i laugh...hurt does not suffer one
who doesnt feel

i have lived...and shall live again
untouched



Tuesday, October 27, 2009

forever shared but a few moments...

i want you to sleep
beside me tonight
wrapped in my arms
softly caressing your shoulders
so much you had in the day
i want you
to feel my reassuring touch
keeping you
away from the night's unrest
let you feel comfort
snuggle in my breath

i'll run my fingers thru your hair
blowing swift kisses
your face...tired but meek
sleepy eyes that saw too much
now glistens
of pain? hope? tears?
let me kiss them now
as they close...a few moments
of nothingness...just
rest, at peace, know i am
beside you
watch over you a few moments
as you sleep

let me watch you dream
see you smile as you do
let the lines around your lips
that formed in frowns, now show
up in gladness
soft and supple lips that i so long for
to touch with mine
whisper them my love
as they, yours and mine
touch

i want these few hours
shared
between us become
a lasting remembrance
of how all shadows cast
fears, doubts and unfulfilled longing
vanish for but a few
moments, made eternal as they
tho marked on parched memories
will stay...untouched
remains, forever


Monday, October 26, 2009

restart

open your eyes and blink off sadness
get up! stretch out and free yourself
from rumpled memories
gurgle with harsh grains of truths
spit out the lies, cleanse your tongue
of ambiguity and vagueness

wash your face off with traces of pain
soap off betrayals and rinse out frustrations
buff with hope, for what there remains
towel off with a smile, to face a new day

strip off clothes of deception
those you clung on to steadfastly too long
wear humbled fabrics of acceptance
and a mild fragrance of inspiration

yes..it is a new day!
a new life begins

forget dreams of the past, they
will never be now, undream them!
remember how they have turned?
nightmares...
succumbing to fears, you remained
waiting, deceiving yourself
make believing those monsters
were there to to give you strength

they failed you, let them, let you
down...

let yesterday remain where it must
old pages of lessons learned
turn them once over, never go back
leave them where they belong...
be yesterdays of now

today is a new day, come out
shed off the cocoon that you let engulf
with false promise of security and warmth

see the sun!
rise above you, bask in its warmth
live anew!
come out now...live and love and hope
bravely
your new day has begun!





lost

a soul left barren
not to joy nor pain does it yield
the agonies of a day pass unfelt
night comes stripped of dreams

forlorn thoughts kept so deep within
abandoned
hopes renounced as too many
betrayed
time never stops, never.. ever
alone it travels
with merely a gaze

when has the void filled? ever?
it doesnt, it sucks, eats one up
to the last fragment of one's existence
until one ceases to exist
vague memories too shall burn
and that yet undreamt shall never happen

the soul has lost all reasons
it sings no more poems

and

i can only speak to you in poems


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

radicals - revised

it was a starless night
and the moon was hiding
behind some clouds
roars of thunder can be heard
from a distance
but the lightnings fail to reach
where we were...

treading thru an unknown path
barefoot, in pairs climbing uphill
the night was cold, bodies trembling
perspires tho of fear and anxiety
failing to remember what day or date
it was, or what was tomorrow
where will it be, or us

a shot fired, all dropped to the ground
shaking, moist
of grass mixing
with body fluids - sweat and tears
another shot!..and then another
ah..far too many to count!
as was the blood flowing, my friend
holding her chest, breath failing....
she was but a hundred twenty pounds
and i can hardly drag her
my feet, my grip, my mind
unyielding! wont someone
please come, and give me a hand!

and the parade has begun...
not for bands and marching clowns
not for feast, no not ours

yes we were armed
exploited too, we are
made to eat filth of our toils
while the masters lived
in abundance
of the slaves' sweat and blood

yes we took arms, to end
generations of enslavement
to break the chains that bind
freedom, hopes and dreams of more
generations to come, to this
land...lost and forgotten
by our masters' gods

and the parade has begun
but no wake shall come
mourning too was forbidden
no one was allowed
no tears.....shed or hidden

and the parade began
their bodies, hers and another
now lifeless
the other mutilated, beyond recognition
showcased to the masses
the remaining
living...us, unliving that night




Tuesday, October 20, 2009

pleas no one should ever make

love me...
like you promised
that night u plead, to trust
to give this love a chance
that day you swore
no one will
ever take this love away
from us

love me...
like i loved you when i went
against the will of this once broken
heart, that cried of pain
but dared to love again
for you, only you

love me...
like i loved you when
you had to go away, to searh
yourself...the life
you want, that we will share
someday, you will
return, when you do
love me like
i love you
-------------------------------

remember me
when you see that star
yes the one we always had to see
us, thru the night
in warmth and joy
of just having each other
of just
knowing there was us
of believing
there was love

remember me
when u feel the drizzle
trickle on your skin
like the soft kisses
laid on promise
those spoken and those felt
whispered with the breezes
that lifted our souls
to heights unseen nor
imagined

remember me
when you wake at dawn
as the darkness slips away
bringing you a new day
i am here, where you left
when you left
hoping too
for a new day

-------------------------

come back to me
as you promised you will
save this heart from another death
let not the nights be just memories
of what had been
a pity of what wont be
again

love me like you said you did
remember me...
when forever hounds you
come back

just another night

i pass the night with vague thoughts
abstracts? maybe
nagging feeling within
pain...denied, left untouched
until u strummed on a chord unplayed
a note, a bit misplaced, out of rhyme
out of time, whimpered
deafeningly weak...softly
dying...

i pass the night...
or has the night passed me?
vague thoughts, distinct longing
unheard, tho spoken

i passed the night, yes! another
just another night
passed me....

Monday, October 19, 2009

before bleaching creams and stuff

my skin was brown and glistened
under the sun
you scraped me white
oh how it hurts! now
i cannot stand the heat
burning like fire
but you tell me im beautiful
so im fine...

my teeth where strong
but u pulled them out
one by one
my gums bled, prayed
for it to stop
replaced with elephant tusk
i can hardly smile
but you tell me im pretty
so im fine...

my eyes were brown
and yours were blue
wanted me to see from your sight
lenses you made for me
they irritate, sometimes they hurt
tears flow when they dry
but you tell me i look better
so im fine...

i itch, i hurt, i bled
so im fine...

Saturday, October 17, 2009

some nights i forget...

some nights i forget to ask how your day had been
but see, you had been with me all day long
i hear your words wherever i go, ever softly spoken
a soft jibe ever present to tell me to see it thru

some nights i forget to ask what your dreams will be
but see i do have my own dreams for you
i hear your laughter, i see your face shine bright
i hear you singing your songs of love all thru the night

i dream of your calm as a stream flowing
your happiness as have a bird touching the clouds
your nirvana shared with your own true love
yes a bliss! i dream to keep you shining above

some nights i forget to ask where you will be
but see i know you'll always be there shining for me...


Friday, October 16, 2009

radicals

and the parade has begun...
not for bands and marching clowns
not for feast nor fun
yes..... the parade has begun

it was a creepy quiet night
only the bats' wings flutter
sounds that can be heard
from nowhere
a shot!..and then another
and another
ah..far too many to count!
as was the blood flowing
too much to bear
the sight
like well
from where they laid

yes they are armed
exploited too, they were
made to eat filth of their toils
while their masters
lived in abundance
of the slaves' sweat and blood

yes they took arms, to end
generations of enslavement
to break the chains that bind
freedom, hopes and dreams of more
generations to come, to this
land...lost and forgotten
by their masters' gods

and the parade has begun
no wake shall come
mourning too was forbidden
no one was allowed
no tears shall fall
shed or hidden
for they did not deserve..
not them, nor they
masters and slaves

and so the parade began
their bodies
now lifeless
some mutilated, beyond recognition
showcased to the masses
the remaining
living...unliving
ones
yes, they were armed

they, when struggle bagan
us, that the struggle lives on



Monday, October 12, 2009

its our anniversary...

three years ago
i saw you walk down the aisle
in your immaculate white gown
face tho veiled, angelic aura exuded
a smile that melted the hearts
of all who watched

i can still hear the song
your favorite, the choir sung
like a hymn from heaven
sent down to bless all who hear
to praise that wonderful moment
glorious for all present, indeed!

it was when u uttered
i do
that i will never forget
as all the bells chimed
resounding the songs of praise
to heavens up high!
oh, all did!...join
the prayers, the praise!
you be blessed a wondrous life

and it was when you turned
to see me, yes still
with your angelic smile
far away in a back seat
i bid you goodbye....

for my lone star

i see you shine so bright
tonight
not like any other
night nor star
you shone tho flickered
as tho unsure
if your light will hold
till daylight

no...dont shy away
i wont claim to own
you nor your life
that you shone
gave me life
that you are
was reason to believe
in the midst of darkness
there was
hope
i was not
alone

yes, shine oh so bright!
dance with them
the other stars
sing their songs
the crazy clouds
tickle you to jump and run and laugh
and shine!

ah yes, just keep on shining
i watch you
from a distance
wont even think of coming near
as then i will fail to see
you beam
that from here is sheer beauty
you are
im watching

shine on, shine on
my lone star

forever you are
forever you will be
a reason
to see the night thru
to believe tomorrow daylight will come
and then the night
again
to come and see you
shine...


Sunday, October 11, 2009

cheater

the smell of perfume i've always loved
was on the shirt you wore yesterday
i blushed and thought u remembered
said you did but didnt have enough to pay

what was that, red lipstick on your sleeves?
ah, an officemate took the bus with you
her head on your arm and fell asleep
had u anything to hide, u would have wiped it neat

you must think it fun telling me alibis
ah with vehemence, you say, you will never lie
i took my time and let you be
one day hoping the truth i'll see

last straw you pulled, when you came home one night
and i saw a hicky mark on your neck still red and bright
still you tried to weave some story that gave me a laugh
of a bee in the park who chased and stung, now hurts a lot

your breakfast on the table, as always every morning
i'll be out for the day, i'll see you in the evening
i'll be at the store where u tried that perfume
ride the bus that never passes to your office nor our home

i'll chat some with your constant callers
then go to the park for an excite bee hunting
i'll be early enough to make you your dinner
both i and the bee will be there waiting.....



Friday, October 9, 2009

i puff, you suck

you light and smoke
she puffed and huffed
spit blood she did
but felt warm within
you warm, smiling
that little fire burning

she left, left you to die
not looking back, wanted you
to die
away, away from her
your fire so tempting
your smoke hypnotized
to die
she wanted you, away
away from her
to die, she did
die

puff, puff, huff!
warmth ever so growing
alone and cold
your fire kindles, smoked
into my my eyes
giving
reason to these tears
puff some more, ah your fire
little as it is
ever so growing

puff, puff, i now too
cough, cough, scoff!
ah you warm, you kindle
she died
i too will, but so shall you
i will kill you before im dead
oh, no, maybe leave you
live me, leave you
away from you
before im dead

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

my mirror

you tell me im kind
because i make you smile
all the time
fool!
u say that
because you dont see
what i do
every morning facing the mirror
a face scarred
of years in misery
lined not with wrinkles
but pain that forever
rid the innocent
blush of pink cheeks

you tell me im a pure soul
lending a hand
without
asking for so much
come on, man, u make me laugh!
my soul has long gone
leaving but just a void
i reach out
that your soul i can touch
i fill you with hope
that the overflow i may take
to fill this void
yes its you
who fills it up

i have a heart you say
to feel and understand
i do
battered to die
i feel not
from your heart
but the story of tears you shed
i understand
not your words
but the sound of your voice
that crackles
when you speak
and fades when you cry

envy me not my friend
you are the mirror
i want of myself
what i dont
you may still have
i walk not feeling the ground
i float in oblivion
live, not finding a reason

but i smile when i look in the mirror
finding not myself but an image i knew
the face now u have
the heart that in you still lives
the soul that has not given up
a smile in the mirror
my mirror...a reflection
of what
what i dont have


tomorrow

tomorrow
when i can no longer read my favorite book
will you be there to tell me what you remember?
your eyes may already fail you too
but you have read that book too, havent you?

tomorrow
when my voice wont come out no more
when all i can make are faint indiscernable sounds
will you be there for me to call my child
will you tell her i love her and always have

tomorrow
when my hands wont be strong to hold a grip
when climbing the stairs becomes literal
when my feet wont walk farther than three steps
will you bear sit by side? maybe share a story or two
as we pass time?

tomorrow
when pain wont leave my body no more
but bones are too fragile for a thai massage
will your hands be there to softly touch
like you did before to caress my back?

tomorrow
will i know? will you give your answer today?
no i wont hurry you to come, i can manage
on my own today, strength hasnt left me yet
no worries, i will wait for you, i just need to know

tomorrow
will you be there?

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

for you

in silence
you watch
a shadow hiding
itself, from itself

indifference
from afar it will seem
untouched
but we know better, dont we
not
loved but failed
cared but betrayed
touched but bruised

distance deceive
a silhouette forming
languid water falls from mountain peak
or droplets of dew
or was it a thunderbolt lightning!
from afar
it will seem
it will be
all they know, all they think
all they be
from afar, but we
we know better

in silence
i watch, a shadow
hiding
itself, feeling not wanting to
but do, reaching not knowing what
but tries...

in silence
i watch...


Saturday, October 3, 2009

i know u need to

questions left unanswered
promises - unkept
no time.....
just
write me a poem
before you go

Friday, October 2, 2009

your firsts...

i will never forget the first time i heard your voice in faint cries, when you first saw the world in the hands of a stranger, when all u knew was my feel alarmed and panicked, u were calling my name i cried...tried to rise, oblivious of the pain, the blood on me, on you, in us, i wanted to snatch you away from them, keep you in my arms, reassure you to wipe the tiny tears forming like dew drops tracing your face like pearls on shore do life itself takes form in those breaths you take i will never forget the first time those tiny hands reached for my skin, caressing me like no one's ever done the softness of your touch that made me feel so loved i'll never forget how i wished for that moment never to end i will never forget the first time i heard you giggle were you playing with an angel only you could see you must have been, and it was its laughter that i heard heavenly, soft and innocent..that voice coming from your heart and i'll never forget the first time i held you in my bosoms to nosh your hunger and quench your thirst to nurture the life that in me has started not just yours but mine..finding its meaning the reason of my existence the day you were born

Monday, September 28, 2009

.................

a blaring thunder breaks!
shook the gound
its sound
reverberates, a wail
a cry
deafening....over and over
again, there within

silence....

the night
caressed by the humming wind
ready to retire
in melancholic slumber
waiting...praying
for the dusk to clear
and pave the way
to the promise
a new day

alas! you wont let it...

have u not gone a long time ago?
that same night
u left
bleeding
the skies, in drizzle
oh too slowly
i watched you
but a shadow
die

you were my light...

the light that gave guide to that path
tomorrows that we so want
shared and lived, together
as one
dreams and realities
entwined

and you chose to die...

but first blinded
my sight
left groping for hope
hoping for a grip
that will salvage a soul
tormented, abandoned
to grieve

grief...

for a love that died
what once was..petals
moist, fresh and glaring red
now ooze blood
anguished
battered
pallid

numbed....

as still as leaves untouched by winds
there lies peace, untrue
throbs of pain subdued, traquil
in acceptance of harsh truths
no, the night may never
meet with light
ever
again
there is comfort in the void
vacuum suck-dried
dreams, lives, hopes

thunder breaks the stillness
your voice pervading
mine in faint cries
unheard
apathy prevails
let be

silence....



in that little corner of my house

in that little corner of my house was where u used to be
come dusk or dawn, yeah you were there, never left
never cared if it rained outside, let them drizzle pass
you stayed to watch and lit that little corner of my house

i pass, you wave, i smile, you nod, i winked, you laughed
i left, you stayed, remained and i knew when i come back
you'll be there as always were...in that little corner of my house
i passed, i searched, i smiled and tears just flowed...

Sunday, September 27, 2009

not death parted them

2 poems....

as the storm ondoy hits the cities of dream
vanished roads and expanded rivers
drowning hope, slaughtered lives built
years of toil, of pain, of dreams....

1.
he was 7 and she was 6, their mother worked, their father dead
they were playing with snowy the puppy
it was she who saw it first, water sipping thru the door
running to her brother, it must fun out there!

but my feet are cold and snowy can't swim
what do we do brother, should we run out and scream?!
snowy will find help for us dear, let her go, do not fear
soon mother will be here to cook us food
some fish and soup she promised this morning

but the flood was fast, thru the streets it rushed
invading homes where promise of safety was
taking all by force, it did...come to me and hold my hand
i'll keep you safe, i'll keep you warm
be not afraid, i am here, soon mother too will come

but mother came an hour too late
only the roof can be seen of where they were
a door crashed soon after, snowy came out tired and frail
their bodies too soon floated, still locked in a hug
brother and sister, holding each other tight
a stab to the heart that kills mother on sight

------------------------------------------------------------

she was strong, a fighter, a survivor
ah yes! she loved but fate wont have it
his heart belonged to another, not she
so alone and lived she chose to be

he was a vagabond, a carefree soul
lived his life to quench his thirst
gulped from every bottle of wine, until
the road hits the end, to her he went

big sister took him in, they are both now at the departure
end, an age when nothing much is to come
even learning may be too late
they share, they remember, they wait...

it was a stormy night, their home not spared
where once there were partitions, rooms
now just waters flowing in and out
and they shivered, old skin further shriveled

my lung cant stand no more, i feel my soul frozen
soon i will have to leave you, when i do, be strong
you wont have much more to live either
whats left you must take to make amends with yourself

dont let me die in this fuckin mess
give me dignity when im laid to rest
this flood coming in taking whats rightfully ours
swear on my grave you'll rebuild after
it is over, and i am gone

where food once she served, is now where she laid
as water splashed amidst, he lit candles by her feet
as life passed him right in his eyes, recollecting whats left
for two days he cried praying for his sister's blissful rest

*based on a true story of a kin dying in ondoy's fury, had to wait two days before here corpse was taken out of the flooded house




Friday, September 25, 2009

a new life

i knew long before i saw those two lines, the few short breaths
hot flashes, heartbeat skipping a few times, long long before
i felt you move there in my womb, your world, your dream
your life, all confined in a body not yours, neither now is mine

it felt funny feeling you there, another life within
not mine, but oh, how i wished it could be..
you, so sure of yourself, kicking, pounding, wriggling
making your own space, in a world you knew was yours

i wish to have kept you there far longer than nine months
away from the deafening noise and blinding lights
safe from the lurking darkness and cold breezes of night
your life, your dream all confined in a body no longer mine

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

for my best friend's birthday

i smile today
its your birth day

remembering
the times
you
stood by me when i went
astray

the times
you kept
your silence
as i made a big fool of myself

the times you had
your arms open
when to you i ran
away
from pain crying

the times
u needed me
and i wasnt there
but u stayed
to wait
for my return

the times
you refused
me be judged
when all others had

the times
i was lost
and you searched
didnt let up
till you found
me, in me
a friend you loved

i cry today
its your birth day

wish i had something to give
or to say
or maybe a deed that can be done
to say, to show and to let you know

its not just gratitude
for u
i have
not just love for you
i feel
not just the trust
i'll always have

what then can i give

these tears
that fall
not of pain, but of joy
but same tears u've seen
wiped off my face all too often

a poem penned
in vain
to describe
you, i
fall short of names

i cry
for there will never be
anything enough that i can give

as there will never be
another you
i'll call
the best
the very best
my best friend

love you glomes! happy birthday!

the last of / ? parts

....today i woke
to find your words

a blank page
was all u left

have you gone?

yes, they say
we can not be
those rules!
pushed down
our throats
tied
they tried...

didnt we say they were wrong?
wasn't there too much
to lose
didnt we give it
all, almost

today
i wake for no reason



Tuesday, September 22, 2009

3/? parts

3/?

we shall
love
but oh this love be!
forbidden

a hope
deride it be
by them
...them who scoff
at the sound of our laughter
...them who smirk
at gladness
...them who tied our hearts
to rules of what ye
and what not
them who swear and pray and praise
there is god
who will make all good things
happen
them!

why dont they see then
that
you and i are
one....not you nor i
but us!

trampled dreams collect
at our feet
some yours, some mine
most ours...

one day we will
they too, shall rise
those dreams, hope and faith
though shattered
all evil might

because we are
one......one day!

was me after all

i heard him
once
whisper to you
i love you
and i heard you say
you loved him
too

hearing you both
made me feel
so proud
i was here
because of you
because you loved

one day i felt a gush
you were crying
you were so mad
i heard you
shouting
"i had enough!"
"crazy little bastard
...i had enough!"

i knew it was him
that caused this anguish
cheating on you
once too much

one day
in my sleep
i heard a crash
it was you
you fell on your knees
sprawled on the floor
i heard you cry
you were in pain
what can i do?
i was still inside of you

then there was silence
and darkness

whats going on?
the fluid that kept me warm
suddenly
turned cold
i feel my little body quiver
my skins shrivelling
whats happening?

i am in pain...

i kicked with all my might
to let you know
i couldn't breathe
inhale some air!
that i can take from you...
hear me please
i need you to!

cling-clang, cling-clang
what were those?
no, not the fan
i know how that sounds
is it a sound
from what you watch
while you wait for him
if he'll come back?

what are all these
strange feelings?
im dizzy, want to sleep
but my mind!
my mind wont rest...
i want to run
to escape far
far away
but my body...
my body, why cant i move?

cling-clang
i saw something flicker...
from that little hole
where i would pass
when i'm fully grown

did you send it to save me?
to let air pass thru my lungs again?
to make my heart
beat
normal again?
to make my body
move again?
to unshrivel my skin?
to wash away my fear?
is it my savior
oh! God, i thank you so!

i reached for it
madly so
i want to hurry
let it find me
save me
now
i am in pain

you laid there still and quiet
and i laid on some platter
dried out
cut into pieces
drenched with what little blood
i had
robbed of what little life i had

"that little bastard"
was me
after all
you loved
i was conceived
i was so proud!

that little bastard!
was me after all

let me be a memory

when u wake up with the sun in your eyes
you will remember
how it lit
like fire
the tainted glass by my widow
the images u loved, that formed
you will remember
my love

you will remember each time
when you sign on chat
before you had that lappy
it was a desktop
with a cam that hardly works
mostly stood frozen
but u watched it as well
cause u say
i was there

when your phone rings
and plays our favorite song
it wont be my number that you will see
no not me, not my name who's calling
but you will remember
the many times i did
some you answered
some
u didnt

when the night comes once again
you will look for a friend you can be with
to laugh with or fight with
or maybe make up with
you will remember
when i was there, when i wanted to be
there
but you hardly cared

you will have to remember
just remember
now
cause i wont be there
.............i have waited
patiently waited
devotedly
blindly
willingly waited
u will remember
how

now

i've seen love and betrayal
i've seen truth and lies
i've seen peace and chaos
i've seen war and indifference
i've seen famine and abundance
i've seen greed
i've seen strife
i've seen death
i've seen life

now

i want to underastand....

my turn

once it was
you
...i turn my back

on my own

where once
there was greatness
the glorious days
praised and hailed
now
only remains a memory
of the distant past.... reduced
vauge recollection of what was
what not

enticed with the cunning promise
i turned my back
wealth and fame and glory
to all that i can be

with nothing but faith
.....an open heart

i loved

gave, submitted, surrendered

they lied....

endured the most savage of tortures

betrayal!

whiplashed with indifference
cooed with false hopes,
assured that all shall pass

i hear but dont believe no more

let me be

on my own...
i still laugh but im not happy
i still cry but im not sad
i know tomorrows will come
let them

find me
here
on my own...

a story to tell

i wish i had a story to tell
but all had been told
of flower blooms and birds and trees
the sunshines and sunsets
the ripples on the waters
the thunder and the waves

i wish i had a story to tell
to make you laugh or cry
to make you live or die
but you laugh when not told
or cry when tears fall
live as u wish
and die....when
u wish

i wish i had a story to tell
but here i am just watching you
dance like the music is you
live today, leave on the morrow
flaunting the beauty u've been gifted
the body well endowed

i wish i had a story to tell
to let you know before you do
life isn't always as you want it to
to protect you from love
to spare you from pain
to make u see what i have failed

i wish i had a story to tell
but here you are crying on my lap
full of woes on what you had not
i try to speak but you turned your back
and asked me once why did i tell u
not....

today i remember her

today
i caught the last dew fall
off a leaf that lazily clung
to a branch
still dreamy in its poise

ah yes! she loved those leaves too
fresh and fragrant in her hands
but she loved them dried too
laughed at the sound of them
crackling with every step
tickling her soles with crisp softness

today
i saw mother bird still in her nest
warding off the cold breeze
that early morning brings
then she flew to find
feeds for her young

yeah she too has left
rather in haste
didnt look back
but left a note
"i leave for your future
the best i shall seek"

on the road back i hitched
rode on the back of a bike
trusting a stranger to bring me home
thru this one hell of a bumpy ride

and thats when she returned
beaten
by life itself
arms raised in surrender
eyes swollen with tears
body limp and sick

she spit blood and cried in pain
you looked at her and shrugged and said
she only got three months to live

how dare you say!
since when had life be measured
in months?
since when had life be told
to stop???

she fought and struggled
not three months, she wont
she lived beyond what you told she will
and in that battle we won!

we scoff at your arrogance
we ridicule your authority
in this battle we won...

grasping her last
breath choked with life itself
leaving her body
we ask for help

and u say
no meds may be given
cause she is dying anyway...

how dare you say?
are you God?
who decides
who lives
who dies

her last words to me
we lost
my child

today i saw the last dew fall
from a leaf dying
losing its grip
still there.....almost gone

if i can borrow your pain

if i can borrow your pain
and lend you my strength
i will

that you may fly high again
spread your wings
give us again delight
as you soar in the skies
watch your color
against the light
that made us smile
so many times

if i can borrow your pain
and lend you my strength
let me

for a thousand times you deserve
to be spared
cruelties
of this world
are not for one
with such glowing eyes
those eyes are not
for tears
as you are
for wondrous dreams

i will borrow your pain
and lend you my strength
i can....i will...

wish u were

i hear my fone ringing again
on the side
calling out your name

i used to wonder
what
you call me for
everyday
why u bother

then u told me
of that one night
when i came to you
and cried
my heart out
how u wanted to be here
to hold me
to let me know
im loved

i remember
too, then
how i wished
it were
you the man i wanted
to be with
the love i wish i had

from this day on
you told me
"you wont have to be
alone
as long as i have my fone
i'll make yours ring
to remind you
im right here"

those words made me cry
even more
touched by the sincerity
of your voice
moved by you
your unselfish love
wish u were
the one i loved

there goes my fone
ringing again
on the side
calling your name

....

here's what i wrote when i thought of you

you are
the smile i'll never share
those fine lines that form
around my lips
when i see you
or learn any of
and about
only you

you are
the voice i'll never have
one that speaks
so tender
yet true, scolds me
in tranquility
speaks soft but solid
yes you
the voice
only you can have

you are
the poems i'll never write
the passion i have
words
will never share
the many wonders
of you
i will never

you are
the thoughts i'd like to keep
not in my mind
but in my soul
coz u breathe life
and you are
life.....hope
that never falters

you are
the friend i'll never be
selfless and giving
nothing u wont
understand
nothing u need to ever hide
when all friends have gone
u will remain
and i want you
to...remain
mine

but

you are
the love i'll never know
nor will i ever have

the dream

sometimes i wonder
if you know

im here
watching you
hearing you
from an immeasurable distance
in silence...oh deafening!

and i am here
i shall remain
as you do
the smile
the voice
life...hope
my thoughts
the friend
i
love
you...are

let them be

let them gods
have a feast
as we watch
them!
devouring on or flesh
bleeding us
to death

hear the crackle in their
laughter
our demise the subject
the fools!
want us vanished
cursed
pained
dead

hear them wail
at our wake
no mourning done
believe them not
they come to see us lie
in that box of death
to make sure we are
gone

feel the hunger, let it be
the ember of reckoning

let them laugh
we watch in silence
as they choke on their own
swallow the chunk of greed

let mourning last till the morn
when sun appears again
its rays laid on a new horizon
one we shall take
together
the insignificant many
to win a battle
forced feed to our throats
that we can no more bear
that we shall
now confront

struggle....

deprived, oppressed, abused
the chains that bound
our lives, our hopes, our dreams
we watched in silence
till we can no longer

chase them out of their castles
our cries - our strength
our will - our weapon
bleak past of hatred
the fire that propels
our souls

we shall rise...if not
us, our blood yet unborn
will conquer
them gods
---devouring our flesh
---mocking our death

stood up

could your car been ran over
by a speeding truck
had no one come for a rescue
to pull you out of the crash?

or you did...
managed to come out
but your fone got stuck
somewhere in that debris

or u got it.... but it broke
was in your pocket when it happened
now its into pieces
who knows what else is broken

or maybe its whole and fine
(i hope the else is not [:P] )
but has ran out of battery power
so you cant call nor message
and you are sorry for having not

dont tell me no, these arent so
that you're fine and just got stuck
or i'll drive that truck myself
run u over merciless, u jerk!

pain

i fly
arrogant
victory flaunted
...a tear drops

when the storm started

your eyes gaze but they dont see
your heart beats but it doesnt feel
you speak your words oh so profoundly
but are those words still meant for me?
we have made a dream together
filled the skies with stars at night
we have welcome the morning sun
we have shared lives that go beyond
somewhere the tide went against our will
wind blew breezes that froze those dreams
the stars vanished in the coldest nights
the sun has failed to shine on us
i brace myself against the lonesome hours
with faith believing they'll soon be over
that one day soon we'll again be together
to make the dream ours forever
you have returned with that charming smile
the gentle words that touch the heart
but in your song i dont hear the melody
just empty rhymes to a symphony
i watch you walk so proud and tall
but what we shared i see no more
please tell me now is it time to go?
to let you be and leave you so
it pains me more to be around
to watch the dream fade and be forgot
to feel a love you no longer share
to see you go and bring me not

let me live

felt that cold breeze pass by
again
old
and familiar
leaving that tangy taste
in the air that lingered
numbed senses pricked anew
scarred stab wounds
bleed
making up for all the years they went dry
gush out blood and tears
and life
.
.
let this soul be barren!
let the void be
leave!
let me bask in nothingness
.
.
let me live
the basket of dreams tho be empty
i have long clipped my own wings
i do not wish to fly
.
just let me live
.
leave
.
or let me die

this one's for a friend

we read
and suddenly we are in
a new world
that which you have
created
imagined
or perhaps lived in
yourself

we felt the pain, cried
a tear or two. shared
love and anguish, dreamt
or woke in nightmares
basked in gentle ponder
saw ourselves with you
eyes, those that see
beyond, with heart
that beats on its own
rhythm, that you have made
us understand

faint sound of your voice
we hear in those words
their meaning lost
sometimes in sadness
or sometimes glee
undefined
yet
reaching the depth
of compassion
a soul so pure
leave us
wanting more

she walks in

her steps were silent
but you turned
to see
she was
body flaunting grace
earthly sophistication
a boisterous laughter
that offed some
but drew you...

she raised her arms
as if to wave magic
your eyes followed
those hands so soft
yet traces of toil
seen in those veins
that shimmer against the light..

everyone one laughed
when she said
life was taken out of her
was is in jest?
did u catch the glitter
in her eyes when she squinted
against the burning candle..

the scent of that candle
poignant
as fumes catches in
her breath
have you smelled life?
sweet?
or reeked of lurking death?

and she left
leaving you
bemused

her steps were silent
and you turned
did you see the dress she was wearing?
what color was it today?

Sunday, September 20, 2009

on borrowed time

tik-tak-tik-tak
you run up the hill
arms spread to to feel the breeze
your hair blown by the wind
making that lovely face glow
so charming, so pretty

tik-tak-tik-tak
a dear passed by
screaming with joy
you ran
after him as he played
your game
both of you wearing that
jovial grin

tik-tak-tik-the clock stopped
what did u think?
that it will not end?

the deer has to go
he belongs to these woods

and you

back on the foot of the hill

tik-tak-tik-tak
the clock starts again
but the deer doesnt hear

you start the uphill climb

again

a prayer

may i be blessed
today
and everyday until i find
what is it
i search

yes, let me feel!
pain...awaken my senses
the slumber of stoic numbness
calloused indifference
hardened the shell
around this heart
that once knew how it was...
let me
feel

yes let me know!
death
that i may celebrate life
loved ones who passed
and those that still live
that what i have
wasted....almost
lost...lived
remains

yes let let there be
loss...
that i may rejoice
in meager existence
a poor man's treasure tho
mocked
titles unsworn, forgotten?
ahh, they were never there
never

yes, let there be lies...
that the truth maybe spoken
in staggering fight
a will that falters
that it shimmers thru
pretentious darkness
unfree deceptions...
let truth be seen

yes,let me lose sight
if need be
that i may see what others fail
in crevices of that soul
taken for granted
eluded for the stabbing pain
it causes
to face one's truth
unveiled

yes,let there be darkness!
leave me in its midst
that i may suffocate in void
misplaced pride...masked
solitude
.
.
.
that may i reach for, this once
that flickering light
my lone star has shone
itself in struggle
to make its existence known

all these i ask...
today and everyday
until i find
that which
I
search for...

my lone star

feigned laughter
devoid heart
spirit unmoved
soul of indifference
false wisdom derived

all hopes
relinquished
almost..

and you shone
my lone star

will you stay?

or do you just wait
for the sun to shine?

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

2/? parts

let me bask in the wisdom of your words
feel rather than understand
what they all mean...

let me ride the tide
be one with it
as it is in me
with me

let me know the beauty
of knowing you
and loving you
tho oh so distant...

let me love you the way i know how
..and be loved by you
..the way you do...

let me my love...

with you...

searching


caught in a world
where no walls were left standing
rubbles scattered on the grounds
where no territory is known
never knowing where one has come from
never knowing where one is bound

finding oneself within a prison with no walls
all too free to run far away
hands reaching out but not knowing where or what for
a walk through the oblivion shall never end
for one lost soul

a void deep within remains
undiscovered
the heart having mastered the craft to unfeel
battered with pain and tribulations of the past
choosing a place where no tears shall fall
content not to hope for happiness that lasts

but emptiness grows at each second that passes
as one gets tangled in the spiraling cycle
of vicious night and day
as the void forms a lump that blocks one’s breath
threatening the very existence
that one fought hard to preserve

pretenses shattered
as the soul trembles with the blows of cold winds
amidst the darkness shone a light
though flickering
squinting through a river of tears
bewildered
yet now seeing, feeling
believing

a promise that was once spoken
and that one chose to forget
now echoes back into the senses

longing to fill the void that grew within
the soul decides to follow the light
armed still with nothing but the hope that dawned anew
and faith that replaced the sight

a night to remember and forget


lights flashed blindness to eyes unfocused
not seeing but rather feeling
humid air of human breath
rowdy crowd mocking laughter
noise coated with instrumental plays
of notes and rhythm!

ahhh the first bottle is served
in ice filled bucket, hand shaking for the first reach
feeling the cold at one's fingertips
sending signals to the senses
tonight is the night!

first gulp of bitterness
drowns the taste of sweet realities
thoughts flying towards the unseen
unleashed from strings of norms
tonight is the night!

sobriety vanished as harsh fantasies take its place
mind blown by sheer scent of sweat
an unmindful touch triggers
thirst and longing and hunger
not of whats served
tonight is the night!

a lasting fleeting moment

Like a lasting scent of withered roses

That stays not on the olfactory senses
But in the crevices of the mind

Or the sound of thunder
That broke the silence of the night
Awaking a child sound asleep
Brought fear and cries that will be remembered
For the rest of his life

Or the words spoken reaching far beyond
Knowing, understanding and believing
Unfelt by senses
Touching instead the soul of a trusting heart

As fast were its meanings blown away
Drifting, fading…engulfed by the sound of ripples
In a shallow pond
As soul reaches and begs for that fleeting moment
To last

silly


i smile
you laugh
i ask why
you call me silly
and you give me the warmest smile

i cry
you laugh
i ask why
you call me silly
then u give me a hug

i dream
you laugh
i ask why
you call me silly
then u ask what my dream was

i love
you laugh
i ask why
you call me silly
then you laugh....

of words and feelings and feelings for words


fingers are itchin to write to free oneself of emotions
ideas coming from all directions, concepts vague
and ambiguous at the same time
words come with definitions
abstract as they me be
forms...

sound of thunders brings shivers to the spine
bodies shaking in shock and fear
mind boggled in deciphering
which meanings matter more
which dont?
why...

memories come tumbling in of the forgotten past
those one wishes never happened
those one wishes never ended
of love, hope, pain, fear
betrayal and abandonement
misery...

bringing back thoughts into the present
what one wishes to undersand?
what one wishes to know?
and forget to
write...

words come in bulk, unformed, undefined
braindead to sort, too weak to grieve
one rests in silence, unaccomplished
body curling up in a corner
let them be, let there be unexpressed
sadness...

sleepless


yawn
eyes squint
blurry vision
half dark and half bright hour
fuzzy mind
clumsy senses
defocused attention
or none
unrecognized sounds
chatters in the background
faint response
hallow nod
render me
restless
yawn

you


you
came and gave what all that this world will allow
wove memories laid in paths
unexplored
perhaps will never trek

you
a face i will never see
a voice i will never hear
a touch i will never feel
are longings i can only share

you
a dream i created
a wish i've cursed upon myself
a love best forgotten
a lie made into truth

you
vanished
and i will never know
a futile search of realizations
.
.
.
you return
with a different name
dragging me back into the pit
of you

...a face i wil never see
....a voice i will never hear
....a dream i created

equation


indeed
an end is the signal of a completion,
when we can go back to the equation
anylyze what has become
and what has not...
but what if the end is not recognized?
will the equation ever stop?
ever make sense?
can thus be a formula derived

reminisce


reminisce
'til you once again feel
sensations you are now deprived
warmth you no longer feel
chills that once blew your mind
that you shook off with a laugh
a cold shoulder shrug

reminisce
'til tears come flowing again
a reminder of supressed joy
of emotions denied
affection unacknowledged
mocked profession of love

reminisce
'til you feel feel the desire
burn anew
'til your veins burst in excitement
a throb you feel, urgent, unrelenting
thrusts you will never forget

reminisce
'til all strength is gone
'til you can no more
'til there's none
'til your soul surrenders
to an acceptance

'til there's none