when love is not..

was it the burning sound of his words

that made you forget the bruises and cuts

last night, when nothing was needed

yet nothing...was ever enough..

was it yesterday when you heard him

call, not by your name, but with so much

spite that thrusts insult at every bone you have

left, yet unbroken by his touch...

is it the wail of that naked infant, once

inside your womb, that will make you stay

to bear another sunset, basked in

uncertainty of what's ahead...

he spits venom and makes you swallow

filth that he has made of you, or was it

what you made of yourself? choking on

his truth...dying in his lies...your life

wasted and you dont even know

when shall you hear that failing voice inside?

passer by

were you just

a dream that sneaked in

the darkest days

that many nights have waited

to end

were you just

a breeze that fleetingly passed

to extinguish despair

of humid hopes, unreconciled

trust

the crickets have stopped

their pulsating buzz

your shadow has failed to cast light

tonight, the first

of fall

i did not pray

for spring to last..as then

the flowers bloom will

wither sadly on a day when the sun shines

yet so brightly

but why did you turn your back?

just as i was

starting to undo lame tasks

deceptions that clung to voices of

tomorrow, promised today

my kinder fate

now echoes hum

unrelenting, your words, your songs

memories you never painted

left to tread alone again

my orphaned past

---

steps forward
left
instead
of right
thoughts blocked
words strummed, then
unstrummed
notions of falls - false
rose, high! oh so high
vanished
by clouds
under your feet

steps forward
and back
then

stop

the answer

the first

time you have written

a thunder

resounded across the pacific

refutes death

of a dream i have

almost

surrendered

i shall let

the sweet music play

over and over

to wake me at dusk

and plunge with sun set

to burn every fiber

i have held

resilient..until

i melt

in your words

with

your words

then nothing else need

be said

the last lap...

the gun shot that signaled

the start is now

nothing

but an echo of the past

fading

as does breath turn

to whimper

grasping for will

at each step

to go further, a foot

an inch, even smaller

just cant stop, now

not yet..

stretching my arms, perhaps

i can reach

the flag on that block

colors are vague now

so was the dream

but i need

to get there, no matter

cheer me on, let me

be there where it ends

then

rest, i can

love me when i can know..

do not trust
the wind to tell me
as it may be
busy to scatter my ashes
unto the waters
of my choice, or yours

nor leave the task to
the candle which light now
flickers in the twilight
of my death
may soon forget what was
unsaid, or stammer
to mimic your whisper
the silence you uttered

tell me before
my failing ears yield surrender
to a call so loud
persistent these days
dragging my soul
to the walk, a path blinded
maybe until
i hear...them said

let my eyes see last
your heart naked
and that promise i know
you will never make
let me leave, believing
i lived awhile more
to feel what i heard you say
in my last
dream

*note..the title is not mine, this is something i have always heard my dad say when i was a child..

for mama

would you allow me to taste

the sweet nectar of a wild flower

from your garden, then maybe

i can forget the bitter taste of a dream

will you sing me that sweet song

that always carried me to sleep, in peace

i would like to remember how not

to worry about when i shall wake

wont you kiss me again, on these wounds

whisper the magic that made them heal

they have bled me pallid dry for years

i'll hold my breath, yes please do the stitch

i need your cuddle now, i want your warmth

i need to hear from you again it will be fine

you told me not to hurry into the world

im back home now..where are you mom?